Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Randomize
