you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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