I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
