I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
