How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
