after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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