well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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