i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
