I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
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