A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
