i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
