She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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