Me too!
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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