Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
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