i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
