Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Randomize
