i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
