i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
