at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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