I accidentally burped into my bong.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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