Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
