But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize