I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
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