I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
