So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
