i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
