a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
you traded sex for a burrito?
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Randomize