I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
