That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
