you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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