I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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