Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
