The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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