Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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