Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
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