Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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