I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
