I'm pants shitting drunk right now
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Randomize
