see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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