its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize