if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
