that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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