the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
