Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
