So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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