She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
