Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
