He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
