This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
So many bounce houses so little time
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
