Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
