I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Randomize