Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
