I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
