I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize