You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
