Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
