I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
