hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
