who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
