dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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