I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
My dad is sitting where you rode me
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
