HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
