So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
stop calling my apartment porn island.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
