did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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