what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Still dying that you shit outside
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
