Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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