well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
