Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
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