Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
