Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
