why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
