You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
she woke up with a sticky ear
I wish I only lived at night.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
