i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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