Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
