and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Help. Why am I so naked?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
