Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
too bad you live with your parents still
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize