Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
